December 1, 2006

sans categorie

Filed under: feelings, God, life, menstrual, mypetitmal, People, PMS, Spiritual — mypetitmal @ 1:25 am

Odio no poder dormir. Cada dia es algo distinto: dolor de estomago, dolor de espalda, migraña, o simplemente muchas cosas en la cabeza.
Muchas veces me han dicho que  soy muy joven para  estresarme y preocuparme tanto, pero es algo inevitable que el sueño no cura. La distancia,  los neurotransmisores, el corazon.

He decidido que los sentimientos solo son pensamientos de los cuales no apegamos tanto que se vuelven psicosomaticos. Asi de poderosa es la mente. Te puede arruinar.

El otro dia estaba viendo un video de gente con esquizofrenia, tenian los ojos vendados, estaban solos, y aun asi interactuaban con sus criaturas. Criaturas-crear. Fragmentos de la realidad y la ilusion que se vuelven sentimientos. Cuando los neurotransmisores dejan de funcionar, todo se vuelve caos.

No se si esto tiene sentido. Estoy cansada y nada tiene que ver con nada en mi cabeza.

Ahora estaba cantando una cancion de “Cantoalegre” de cuando era chiquita: “cuando yo diga si, cuando yo diga si, cuando yo diga siiii ustedes dicen no. vamos a ver, voy a empezar, no me vayan a fallar!!!” todo eso me trae muchos recuerdos felices que ya han perdido color. al pasar el tiempo las memorias pierden color y claridad, igual que los sueños. 4 de 5 sueños son a color. El lunes escribi un ensayo de el momento que pase de niña a adulta. No se si soy adulta, lo dudo, me falta madurar, vivir… Pero he perdido tanta inocencia por cosas que han pasado estos ultimos años. Tomar responsabilidades, tener traumas, todo. Todo es como ese contrario de el si y no de la cancion.

Dios es tan grande… tan lindo. Por eso se que vamos a estar juntos. Con arte, con frio, con cafe, con sueños.

Todo me duele y  ahora tengo que empacar y trabajar.

November 15, 2006

Fat Kid Rules the World by K.L. Going

Filed under: Book Reviews, Books, critique — mypetitmal @ 10:57 pm

I just finished reading “Fat Kid Rules the World” by K.L. Going.

All I have to say: terrible book.

It is a book about a 17 yeard old, 300-pound, high-school senior boy named Troy Billings. He meets a high school legend and punk rocker named Curt (obviously after Kurt Cobain.) The guy basically saves Troy (whohe calls T) from committing suicide and they form a friendship based on their love for music and Troy’s amusement with Curt. Curt is very skinny, homeless, but he is quite popular. He takes away Troy’s loneliness when they become friends.

They start a punk rock band, that is nothing like punk. It sounds very, very fake. The way they speak and act is not punk rock.

Also, in the book Troy is absolutely paranoid about his weight, thinking everyone is staring at him and thinking bad things. AND he calls his brother self-centered..

Anyway, it is very outdated, the language really does not sound like a 17-year old boy, and Troy sounds as if he had a crush on Curt.

It really makes me wish that Curt hadn’t saved Troy’s life. Boring book.

October 14, 2006

Everything is Illuminated

Filed under: Movies — mypetitmal @ 2:44 pm

“Everything is Illuminated.” What a wonderful movie. It is very intense, unique, full of history, passion, beauty, love, and true feelings.
The mix of cultures of Ukraine and the North American are amazingly well portrayed, showing the differences and the misunderstandings that we all have of different countries.

Elijah Wood plays a very interesting character, a collector, looking for memories and collecting more, and one of those memories, one of his grandfather, a Jew in Ukraine during WWII leads him in a journey full of more memories and surprises.

I loved the movie. Everyone should watch it.

October 11, 2006

In the beginning…

Filed under: Christianity, feelings, God, life, Spiritual — mypetitmal @ 8:10 pm

Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that I am, that we, humans, are so small. Jupiter’s core is the size of Earth. If I feel small being a part of the Earth, and Earth is small compared to Jupiter, Jupiter is small compared to the Milky Way, and the Milky Way is small compared to the Universe, then GOD, yes, GOD, cannot fit in this tiny head of mine.

I look around and I see God’s creation, because there is no way that everything could have just formed out of nothing. On my way to school in the morning I see the sunshine and every day it is different. When I see all the different types of animals, flowers, plants, how every person is unique, there is no way in my mind that it could have just been made by nothing. I know God was part of it, so creative and loving, giving us this beautiful place to live in, even if we don’t deserve it, we destroy it, we sin, we don’t give Him the place that He should have in our lives…

The first sentence in the Bible (God’s word) says:

“1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” -Genesis 1:1

That fills my heart with joy. Knowing who created me, and that my creator truly loves me, because he gave His only son for me.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” -John 3:16
So my beginnning started with God and my eternal life will be with Him, too.

I love that, I love Him. :)

Sexual Slavery

Filed under: life, People, Rape, Social and Politics — mypetitmal @ 12:49 pm

Today I heard of 5 more rapes, 2 of them were of people getting “gang banged” and while one of the stories was being told I said that that was not a subject to joke about, and then after a while someone said that he would join in a joking matter, so I got up and hit him, then cried. It is not something to joke about.

So here is my promised “article” on sexual slavery.

There are a few ways that reffer to sexual slavery:

  • Forced prostitution
  • Sexual slavery involving human trafficking
  • Sexual slave single-owned
  • Ritual slavery, referring mostly to religious or traditional cultural practices

900,000 people worldwide are trafficked across borders each year, the majority to Southeast Asia, Japan, Europe and North America. In Latin America and North America many slaves are being taken to countries in the former Soviet Union. Since the 90’s the human trafficking number has increased.
But sexual slavery is not something new. In the U.S. there were sexual auctions during the 19th century, in Africa religious prostitution has been accepted for a long time in countries like Ghana, Togo, and Benin, and in WWII there was also sexual slavery done by U.S. military men with Japanese women (without their consent.)

Many methods used are debt bondage, intimidation, taking away money and passports, threats to victim and family. It is said that many do it to protect their families and help them economically.
Some women are promised marriage and later on made sex slaves.
There is also children sex tourism, or just simple sex tourism, where locals sell their slaves for a night to the perverted tourists.
Illegal immigrants and refugees are often victims of this sad truth, being sold again and again.

Reasons for trafficking and sexual slavery are:

  • Profitability
  • Growing deprivation and marginalisation of the poor
  • Discrimination in employment against women
  • Anti-child labor laws eliminating employment for people under the age of 18
  • Anti-marriage laws for people under the age of 18, resulting in single motherhood and a desperate need for income
  • Restrictive immigration laws that motivate people to take greater risks
  • Insufficient penalties against traffickers

There are things that some countries are trying to do, like Trafficking Victims Protection Act (TVPA) in the United States, and Sweden’s Act On Prohibiting The Purchase Of Sexual Services, but human trafficking goes highly hidden, it is hard and dangerous to escape.



October 10, 2006


Filed under: feelings, life — mypetitmal @ 9:48 pm

He estado pensando del significado de la vida, no el proposito de la vida, el por que estoy aca?, ni la definicion que podre tener de la vida (un ciclo repetitivo en busca de la felicidad.) Es simplemente un significado hecho de cosas simples.

Las cosas malas pasan, pero las cositas, si cositas, en diminutivo, son las que cuentan. No los grandes eventos. Una mariposa despues de un dia triste, un beso muy esperado y deseado, una risa que da dolor de estomago, ver a un amigo que no se veia desde hace años, comer una fruta fresca en un dia de calor… Cositas asi, simples. Para eso vivimos, para apreciar esas cosas, aprender a escuchar el corazon palpitar y oir al mundo respirar.


Filed under: feelings, life, menstrual, People — mypetitmal @ 12:31 pm

I am a very impusilve, moody, and when I get attracted to someone I really get attracted to that person. I blame it all on my neurotransmisors serotonin and norepinephrine that control those things, and well, mine don’t function so well. So, I have something to add to my hate list: People who get your hopes up. That is wrong. It makes me think that they feel they are above me and that I am just a simple toy they can play with because I also like to play, but no, they can’t do that, I’m not going to give them the right to do that. Fuckers. First act interested then indifferent? No.

October 9, 2006

I call a 911 on RAPE

Filed under: feelings, life, People, Rape, Social and Politics — mypetitmal @ 3:41 pm

In a study made in the U.S. using 8000 women and 8000 men there were shoking results about how many were raped:

1 out of 6 women and 1 out of 33 men. (Now, because less men experience rape, that doesn’t mean they suffer any less.)

If that is only in the U.S. I cannot imagine how many people are getting raped all around the world.


“Although the legal definition of rape varies from state to state, rape is generally defined as forced or nonconsensual sexual intercourse.  Rape may be accomplished by fear, threats of harm, and/or actual physical force.  Rape may also include situations in which penetration is accomplished when the victim is unable to give consent, or is prevented from resisting, due to being intoxicated, drugged, unconscious, or asleep.

Sexual assault is a broader term than rape.  It includes various types of unwanted sexual touching or penetration without consent, such as forced sodomy (anal intercourse), forced oral copulation (oral-genital contact), rape by a foreign object (including a finger), and sexual battery (the unwanted touching of an intimate part of another person for the purpose of sexual arousal).

The term “drug-facilitated sexual assault” is generally used to define situations in which victims are subjected to nonconsensual sexual acts while they are incapacitated or unconscious due to the effects of alcohol and/or other drugs and are therefore, prevented from resisting and/or are unable to give consent.”

I meet people that have been raped more and more everyday, both men and women, and it makes me so upset. All have different reactions, different stories, different ways they have or have not gotten over their traumatic experience, since rape is a traumatic experience that leaves a person scarred for life.

You probably now someone who has been raped, it might be your friend, teacher, sister, cousin, brother, mother, father, or even yourself, and there are things that can be done. There is off course the option of reporting it to the police, but many times the victims have suffered such a trauma that they don’t want to experience the memories again, they might also be afraid of other people finding out, each person has their own reaction to their awfull experience.
Another not so radical option is getting therapy, talking about the feelings, the memories, getting it all out and working out a way of healing those wounds, stopping the nightmares, the sudden memories, the fear of having a relationship, and all the things that are involved after being raped.
Another thing is just tell a family member, someone you can really trust, someone that can reccomend you what would be best for you.

Remember that rape is not something to joke about, it happens everyday and it can (and is) a terrible experience for many. Try to prevent it, take care of your friends, the people around you, and yourself.

For more information visit:

Note: Sex slaves as a result of human trafficking…. Opinions to come.

October 8, 2006

My first period

Filed under: Health related, life, menstrual, People, PMS, Women Issues — mypetitmal @ 5:38 pm

I was asked today how my first period was like.

Oh how I enjoy remembering those days… The innocence and the hate for thinking I could never swim again for a week every month until the menopause.

I was prepared, I used to talk about it with my friends since third grade and I was absolutely fascinated by it. I would read the things they gave us at school and I was very grossed out by them, but hey, I enjoy gross things. I would also use pads sometimes, steal them from my sister or my mom just to feel what it was like, feel grown up.

But the day came. Monday, November 8, 1999. I woke up to school, I was wearing blue pijamas, and I don’t really remember the color of my underwear, but I didn’t take them off until I started taking my shower because I wash my underwear in the shower, and I see this redish-brownish thing and I was like “did I poop on myself?” but I had the doubt that it was my period, the traumatic day of my lost freedom, so I smelled it, and it didn’t smell like poop, so I finished my shower, and once I did I called my mom and I showed her my underwear, it was so embarrasing! I didn’t say anything, I am so glad I didn’t, but she started jumping out of joy and she said “CONGRATULATIONS!” and I was obviously freaking out. Then she asked me if she could tell my sister and I said OK (I needed pads anyway and my mom had had her menopause by that time) and when she tells her it’s the corniest thing ever “We have another lady in the house!!!” My sister laughed. Poor me. She gave me a pack, maybe two, of pads which I used up on a day because I thought that just having a little bit of blood meant that you had to change it. I told all my friends in school and they were like “NO WAY!” because I was only ten.

I remember telling my mom not to tell anyone, but she’s a mom, she can’t help her, she told her sisters, her friends, and obviously my dad, who also congratulated me and got me a strawberry shortcake.

But by now, almost 8 years later, I have learned that I hate pads, and that I can go swimming (it’s actually good for you if you have your period), tampons are way more comfortable than pads (specially pearl glide), nobody should mess with me when I am PMSing because I get very moody, chocolate is a woman’s best friend while menstruating, cuddling is also wonderful, and ibuprophen for the killer cramps.

So there’s the genocide in Darfur…

Filed under: People, Social and Politics, war — mypetitmal @ 5:18 pm

So I have a facebook… I admit that I am an internet junkie and I am fine with that. And in facebook there are this groups you can join and there are all this awareness groups about the genocide in Darfur and I think that’s wonderful, but (there is obviously a but), it makes me upset that people have stopped caring about other countries in suffering, and Darfur since it’s in Africa we have to care for because “we must eat our veggies. The kids in Africa have nothing to eat.” But what about the rest of the world? Colombia’s 60 year old war, Cuba’s on-going dictatorships, Venezuela’s new government and economic issues, just to name a few. This world is rotten and Darfur is not the only country with internal conflicts.

Still, get some awareness about the genocide in Darfur and help out, but DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE OTHER COUNTRIES.

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